Re: Hopefully the first of many...

Ok, well this is my first blog and I am unsure really what this blog is going to be or indeed what i shall regale you with.

I suppose it will be a combination of things really, my thoughts, feelings and a place where I can off load what is going on in my life... I think at the moment there are several issues that I need to address and quite like the idea of sending them off into cyber space without having to give consideration to who reads them and who knows what is going on in my life... I suppose i would like my blog to read very much like a Bridget Jones meets Belle De Jour?! Well, perhaps not the prostitute part, but I will try and make it interesting for anyone that thinks it might be worth a read! So, that's it in a nutshell really... And let the blogging commence... All the names etc are going to be changed in this as i do feel like my life is perhaps sometimes, only sometimes though, like a chick lit book and therefore i feel like i can take writers liberties and change things like place names etc... So, in essence i suppose that I have discovered that is what this is now going to be... A bit of a running diary...

So here goes:

Wednesday May 1st:

So, the emails and texts keep coming from him, they are on a light and friendly note i suppose but i cant help but feel a slight pang when i said that he might meet someone to brighten up his trip... I wanted him to say something like "don't be daft, why would i want to do that" but i suppose that i knew he wouldn't say that... I think that is the trouble, i know he isn't going to say something like that ever again, and i am almost certain that this, whatever "this" is, is going to end up in tears, my tears at that, and I am going to end up back at square minus 10, unable to pick myself up this time... How am i supposed to know what is going on inside his head though? I have made a fool of myself, 100% a fool and his response was, "it will never happen so move on", and then he is asking me to bed? Am i a silly cow who has no idea when she is been played or is it that he is afraid of his emotions and really doesn't know where his head is at? On the way home from visiting him, i did put the question to him, via text (this is the only way i know he might even respond, via text!) and asked what has changed, what is going on and do you know, he couldn't tell me! He couldn't assure me that we are on the road to recovery or even that he actually wants this, but when i emailed to see if he regretted it, he said no. So please for god's sake will someone please tell me what he wants... I am quite good like that I look at men like i do handbags, they are all great in the shop all new looking and you can never have too many handbags, but, how do you know you are going to be able to get everything you need in there until you try, and by then it is too late, the bag is bought and you have found an outfit that it goes with so its staying? Explain i hear you cry, well, A man is like a handbag, you buy the thing and then take it home only to find that you cant just quite manage to stuff in all your makeup, umbrella, ipod, phone, purse, that bunch of receipts you know you need to keep (cos somewhere there is the one for that top you bought that you will have to take back before the end of the month so you have some cash to live on!), or in a mans case, you cant get into them all the things you need as their other half such as makeup (mans equivalent (M.E) that you would like a pressie every now and then), umberella (M.E All the times you are nasty i cry and i need you to make it better!), ipod (M.E Random nights out just the two of us, doing things without planning and structure and things i don't have to organise!), purse (M.E their wallet, cos you know they are going to ask you if they can put it in your bag!), bunch of receipts (M.E all the secret little emotional pick ups we need and all the times we try and look amazing for you and you, as men, do not realise or do not appreciate!)...But by the time you realise that this Bag is perhaps not the bag for life, its too late cos its all worn in and it is in the fashion designer speak "your key piece", and then bang, you feel like you cant change and that you do like this bag, just not perhaps as much as you did when you bought it, but hey its a classic you tell yourself...